May 8, 2012
BearTurd God i
Deep within the Knew Kody Kave 1500 miles below the Earths crust:
The great Bear Turd God chortled in his last days of hibernation. He dreamt of such days as a cub, sitting on the shelf at the truck stops and gazing at humanity as it
flowed past him. He relished the fact that the Arch Nemesis would never find him here.
"Mutha Fucka. It's mutha fuckin hot as a mutha fuckin goddammn goddamn up in tthis mutha fuckin bitch!"
"It's necessary for vile toxin production. Would you please just go back to sleep? Just till the end of May?"
"I try's Yo Impetus. But all I can thinks about is smokin cable, gold chains and bitches bitches bitches! Whew! Hot damn Yo Excellency! Mississippi in the Spring time. Suck that cross mounted pussy down by the river! Whew! Hot Damn!"
"Jesus H Christ Magogo! Go get on reality Tv or something! Move to a different part of the Kave! Just leave me the fuck alone for a month. I'm trying to mastermind Turd War IV for Christ's sake. I feel like I got a monkey on my back!"
"Yo Eminence you is so right. Isa gwinta hasta get out of here. I mights goes to South Afrika! I mights goes to Paris to dee Arch De Treeomphree or however he spell dat shit. I might go visit Miss N"
"You go anywhere you want Magogo but you don't go anywhere near her. I will crucify you! Go troll Lindsey Russell. Find Mr. Stupid. How bout this? Go find Michael pus sitar, or whatever his name is, and bring him to justice. Before you go do the following tasks."
"Dominus"
"Go to my private warehouse. Pull 14 cases of Knob Creek and have it delivered to the admin of
of Annonyblog II. Next in the back room you will find 50 pallets each of Fresh Step cat litter and Purina One cat food. Have it delivered to Pickles N. In my drawer you will find a 100,000,000 terabyte thumb drive in the shape of a Kangaroo. It is filled with the most vile toxins that can be imagined. FedEx it to the Arch Nemesis . A good %70 Is devoted to gay porn and bestiallity! He's gonna love it! Also pfind an eight ball of crack cocaine, that really yellow butta I bought from that nigger in Louisiana. Send that to him as well. He's gonna need it when he plugs in that thumb drive! Now get ur ass out of here Magogo and leave me alone."
"Yes Yo Eminence."
I
April 24, 2012
Magogo=Fag
I once knew a website where people could write anonymously, shit like diary entries, confessions, horrid poetry, that sort of thing. It thrived for a while.
Eventually this sort of faggy, fan-fiction type "humorist" introduced his "characters" to the website in between bouts of crying and masturbating, regaling those who couldn't possibly care less about the adventures of these two homosexual dolls he played with, or befriended, I don't know.
Having no friends, job, or prospects for advancement, this mentally retarded hand rapist spent months spamming this particular website with his incoherent scribblings. It was sad, but what else can you expect from someone who invents a character named Magogo and lives with his senescent grandparents. Somehow his creative impulses compelled him to defecate his artwork onto a public forum to the extent that the place became just as obese, shit-smelling, and joylessly unfunny as the writer himself. Then it closed, because most people aren't retarded.
But something funny happened! It turns out the spammer was not just some sad ass-licker looking to ruin a website, but a sad ass-licker who actually sought validation for his alleged creativity!!!! This sad ass-licker, in fact, re-established a facsimile of the original website and stole the name for himself and his grand new experiment. Finally he would have an authentic platform for his brilliance.
But no one read his retarded website, because no one likes a fat, unfunny, shit-smelling, typist who creates faggy bear characters to make out with. John McGuiness, you are a sad, sad, probably fat man who definitely can't write or make anyone laugh. I am asking to please fuck off and die. Signed, everyone.
March 7, 2012
*****BREAKING NEWS FLASH*****
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After an informant's tip, and a long search, Breaking News reporters traced the KodyBear's iphone to a major metropolitan area. They sang, "just get me wasted and you're half way there cause if my mind's tore up then my body don't care." They then accosted The KodyBear and The Magogo in the atrium of Raleigh Memorial Auditorium following a recent Tommy Emmanuel performance.
Your Excellency! Please! Just a short Interview. Our organization is prepared to deposite ten fuckin hundred million trillion dollars into any account you choose for just a short interview.
How short? Like ten minutes or less? My limo arrives in ten minutes and I'm gonna sodomize this monkey at the Holiday Inn. They say it helps with vile toxin production.
We just want to know about the possibility of a new turd war. Please. We waited years to find you. You are a true bear god and we cower before you but please just this one question. Please your Eminence?
Sir Magogo log in to our Harare account.
Dee money already der Yo Heinous.
Very well. I will will speak. First of all I would like to say that you are all idiots for missing the show. God made Tommy so that he could have someone to play with.
Secondly, the future of the turd wars is unknown. look how much money we have already made on it. Both Indy The Great and myself are rich beyond our wildest dreams! The Turd war may or may not occur. View it like a Rolling Stones or a Who tour. If your lucky you will see it again. My lorry is here.
His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R Bear and Sir Magogo The Singing And Dancing Macarena Monkey exited in their Limo leaving the Breaking News Reporters and the show behind them.
Do not worry my sweet Magogo. We're ritch now! Go back to Zimbabwe and rebuild the Turd Ranch if you want. I have plenty to keep me occupied. I don't think we have to work anymore. Besides vile toxin production is a good thing. It keeps people like Lindsey Jack Russell, or whatever her name is, at bay. I may even use some of our earnings to start another facility. I just want to get to the next whiskey bar.
February 17, 2012
February 16, 2012
(Untitled)
Stranded by the hands of fate
Reaching for solution
Stillness speaks by letting go
Without hesitation
Faith it comes with answers that cannot go untested
All things come in their good time somehow remains questioned
We ask ourselves how light prevails
With darkness in the way
Rangers meet in secret
Between the workings of the day
Harmonies combine to bring an ever-present sound
A pulse that can be felt by those rooted in the ground